In Michelle's room.
Danny is picking up Michelle from her changing table as he speaks.
Danny: Wish Daddy luck, honey. It's a big night. Daddy's getting a tryout as color man for the big fight. Cable TV. Nationwide. Yes, I see how impresed you are.
Danny puts Michelle in her crib.
Danny: Oh. There you go.
Michelle: (reaches out her arms for Danny) Dada.
Danny: Michelle, I'd love to give you a hug, but 20 million people will be watching me, and I'd just as soon them not see your cookies on my shoulder.
Michelle: (disappoited face) Ohh.
Danny: Do you promise everything inside of you is gonna stay inside of you?
Michelle reaches out her arms for her dad again while gurling.
Danny: Okay. (Michelle lets out a little burp as he reaches down) That's a preview, isn't it? Okay, baby dribble guard. (Puts a towel over his shoulder, then picks her up and gives her a hug). Come here.
Jesse is in living room playing the guitar as Danny comes down the stairs.
Jesse: Ah cool. Yes. Alright. Alright.
Danny clears his throut.
Jesse: May I help you?
Danny: Well, Jesse, what do you think?
Jesse: (indicating towel on Danny's shoulder) You plan on burping one of the boxers?
Danny: (as he takes off the towel) A good sportscaster is ready for anything. (removes the towel).
Jesse: Very nice. All right, listen, I picked up the perfect tune for the lyrics here. This is really cool. Listen to this song. (plays and sings) 'You left me for another. Walked right out the door. I thought that you loved me. What good is my heart for?'.
Danny: (getting into the tune) 'On top of Old Smokey. All covered with snow'
Jesse: (stopping, putting guitar down and standing) You realize there are only 7 notes. Oh, Beethoven was right when he said 'It don't come easy'.
Danny: Beethoven said 'It don't come easy'?
Jesse: Well, he said it in German, you now.
Joey enters with boxing gloves on.
Joey: Alright, Danny, I'm ready. (walks over to Jesse on the coach) I want you. Poof! I want you. Poof poof! Second round, you goin' down. (Jesse stands up and gives him a harsh look. Stops pretending he's a boxer) Sorry, I'll-i'll behave. (snaps Jesse on the head).
Jesse: You are such a baby. (stands up and snaps Joey back as he leaves).
Joey: Long haired hippy punk. (walks up to Danny) Danny, I got to tell you, I am so proud of you. Ever since you were sports editor of our high school newspaper, you had that dream.
Danny: The one about Sharon Campbell?
Joey: No, not that dream. Every guy in high school had that dream. No, I mean your dream about making it as a sportscaster. Tonight, you go from local news to coast-to-coast. Knock 'em dead.
Danny: Thanks. And your dream about being a comic? I promise you, one day I won't be the only one who thinks you're funny.
D.J and Stephanie comes running down the stairs with gifts wrapped.
D.J: Wait Dad! Hold on. Don't go yet.
Stephanie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
D.J: We got some stuff for you for good luck. Guess what this is.
Stephanie: A tie.
D.J: Steph, you knew.
Stephanie: Oh, yeah. (to Danny) Daddy, now you guess.
Danny: I-I give up.
Stephanie: It's a tie, remember?
D.J hands over the present and Danny opens it.
Danny: Oh hoho! A tie! I'm so surprised. This is beautiful. I'm gonna wear this tonight.
Stephanie: I got you a surprise too, Daddy. (hands the present to Danny)
Danny: Oh, I love surprises. (opens it and looks confused at what the gift is) Oh, this is great. Thank you for the, um... this is great.
Joey: That's the most beautiful one of those I've ever seen.
Stephanie: Try it on, Daddy.
Danny: Of course, I'm gonna try it on. Oh, uh... (trying to figure out how and experiments in several places on his suit and even in his ear)
D.J: Isn't that a cool tie tack, Dad?
Danny: (putting a hand on D.J's shoulder) God bless you. (to Stephanie) Steph, I love this. Thank you, girls. (He hugs them both).
Girls: You're welcome.
Jesse: (walks back into the room with his guitar) Alright, I finally got it. This baby is hit-bound. Listen to this. (Sit down and plays) You left me for another. Walked right out the door. I thought that you loved me. What good is my heart for?
Others: (getting into the tune) This land is your land. This land is my land. From California to the New York islands.
Jesse: Everybody, sing along.
Others: From the Redwood forests to the gulf stream waters...
Fades into the next scene. Jesse is running around in the kitchen.
Jesse: Alright, coming right up, girls. Get some snacks.
D.J: (in the kitchen stairs) Hurry up. Dad's almost on. We're gonna watch him in our room.
Jesse: Alright. (Grabs drinks from fridge. Starts going upstairs).
Stephanie: (in the kitchen stairs) Dont' forget the ice cream.
Jesse: Okay. Right. Got it. (Grabs it from the freezer. Starts to heads upstairs again).
Stephanie: And the bowls and a spoons!.
Jesse: Bowls and spoons. How can you eat ice-cream without bowls and spoons? Alright. (Jesse grabs it and heads for the stairs.
D.J: And licorice.
Jesse: Licorice. Alright. Licorice. (Jesse grabs it and head for the stairs again).
D.J: Red licorice.
Jesse: (Jesse grabs it and heads upstairs again). Got it.
D.J: And fruit!.
Jesse: Fruit. Okay. Get some fruit. (Carrying everything while grabbing grapes from the fridge with his teeth as he tries to head upstairs again). Huh.
D.J: And milk.
Jesse: Some milk. Got it. (While carrying everthing else, he grabs the milk and walk towards the stairs again).
D.J: Don't forget to shut the door.
Jesse: (shuts the door) Shut the door. The licorice and the milk. (Exhausted as he run towards the stairs).
Stephanie: And we need peanut butter and jelly and bread and carrots.
Jesse collapses against wall and sighs.
Jesse is coming upstairs with his hands completely full and the drinks on his head.
Jesse: Alight, girls. This oughta get us through he first two rounds.
D.J: Uncle Jesse, we changed our minds. We're gonna watch the fight downstairs.
Jesse: Freeze, ankle biters. this is as far as your Uncle Lunch Wagon goes.
D.J: Oooh, it's Uncle Bad Attitude.
Jesse sighs.
Stephanie: I guess this is a bad time to mention that you forgot the carrots.
Jesse: Yes, bad time. Help me out here. Come on. Grab that
The girls unload his arms.
Joey enters the hallway from Michelle's room.
Joey: Hey, Jess, quick, I need you in the nursery.
Jesse: Here. Okay.
Joey: Let me give you a hand with this.
Joey reaches up and takes 1 box of the sixpacks off Jesse's head and walks back into nursery, leaving Jesse standing there with 5 boxes of the sixpacks left on his head.
Jesse: What is happening to my life?
In Michelle's nursery.
Joey: Michelle, please don't be sick.
Jesse: All right, Joseph, what's the problem here?
Joey: I heard Michelle cough.
Jesse: Here. Kid, you okay? (picks Michelle up, looks at her and puts her back down) She's cool.
Stephanie shows up in the doorway.
Stephanie: It's time. Daddy's gonna be on right after the underarm commercial.
Jesse: All right. We're coming.
Joey: Jess, I don't like the sound of that cough. We should bring Michelle with us.
Jesse: Joey, you gotta realize babies cough, man. Babies dribble. Babies barf. Think of them as little tiny teenagers. (picks Michelle up) Come on, Michelle, come on. (kisses her as they leave the room) You okay? You okay?
D.J and Stephanie are in the living room with snacks. Jesse and Joey walk downstairs with Michelle. Baby coughs are heard.
Jesse: You girls ever hear that cough before?
Stephanie: Sounds like a hairball.
Jesse: Come on, Steph. Babies don't get hair...(thinks a minute and turns to Joey) Do babies get hairballs?
Joey shrugs.
They turn of the TV.
Announcer on tv: And now, live from San Francisco, a special boxing presentation. Here's Danny Tanner.
They all clap and cheer.
Danny: (in a training room, trying to dodge people moving and punching) Good evening, boxing fans. I'm Danny Tanner... I'm Danny Tanner... I'm Danny Tanner... Now, I'm really Danny Tanner, and welcome to tonight's fight. We're in the training room of former heavyweight champion of the world, Reggie 'The Sandman' Martin. only moments away from the Sandman's first attempt on the comeback trail to reclaim his heavyweight crown. And here he is now. Well, champ, how you feeling?
Sandman: I feel good. I feel strong. I feel like hitting somebody. (throws a fake punch at Danny).
Danny: But not me, right?
Sandman: That depends on the question.
Danny: Okay, no pressure here. Well, champ, the obvious question: Why the comeback? You got plenty of money inthe bank. Heck, you own a bank. (laughs) You've been retired for two years. What is it? Do you miss wearing the shorts?
Sandman: No, no. You see, it's...
Trainer: (takes the mic) Pride. It's pride and respect. The champ wants to go down as the greatest fighter in the history of boxing.
Danny: Are you sure it's not the $6 million?
Sandman: Okay, I miss wearing the shorts.
Danny opens his jacket, revealing Stephanie's very colorful tie tack.
In the livingroom.
Stephanie: My tie tack!
Everyone: Yaaay!
On TV.
Sandman: I know why I'm wearing a cup. But, now, why are you wearing a saucer?
Danny: Oh, this. This is a gift from my daughter Stephanie. And the tie is a gift from my daughter D.J. And I have a little baby, Michelle, too. but you can't wear her gifts.
Everyone: Yaaay!
Danny: You probably haven't seen much of your family during these 3 months of training?
Sandman: No, Lou runs a pretty tough camp.
Trainer: The toughest. (grabs the mike) Total isolation. Just me, the Sandman, and misery. No phone calls, no women, no nothing.
Sandman: Look, I'm sorry about that, Marcie. How ya feeling, honey? (blows her a kiss).
Danny: I think it's wonderful that you and your wife are still good friends, considering.
Sandman: Yeah. Considering what?
Danny: You know...
Trainer: Yeah, right, champ. Just loosen up, baby.
Sandman: Hey, the man said 'considering'. (to Danny) Considering what?
Danny: Uh. Considering what happened.
Trainer: (rubs the Sandman's shoulders) Loosen up, champ.
Sandman: If I don't get some information, I'm gonna loosen somebody's head. Now, you said 'It's great we're still friends. Why wouldn't my wife and I still be friends?
Danny: So about tonight's fight. Let's talk strategy.
Sandman: (grabs Danny and lifts him up) Hey, man.
Danny: Let's forget about strategy. Uhm. All I meant was, usually, when a woman moves out on a man, they stop being friends.
Sandman: (puts Danny down gently) She moved out?
Trainer: Champ, it's time to fight. Let's go.
Sandman: Hey! You expect me to fight when I just found out my wife walked out on me?
Trainer: Use it, champ! Use the anger!
Danny: Oh, Champ, I'm sorry. Oh, boy, am I sorry. I can't believe you didn't know about this.
Sandman: You calling me a liar?
Danny: Oh, not at all. Why would I choose those as my last words? I just figured, since the story was in the newspapers, and the magazines, and the soon-to-be TV movie...
Sandman: She left me? And sold the rights? Oh, no, Marcie baby. (starts crying) No, no, no, baby, no.
Danny: (comforts the Sandman) It'll be okay, champ. It'll be okay.
Trainer: You're kind of taking the edge off him, huh, Tanner?
Danny: (to the viewers) You know? In a way, this is kind of a beautiful moment. Thanks for sharing it with us. (to the Sandman) And, Sandman, best of luck on tonight's fight.
Sandman: Fight? I can't fight.
Trainer: Come on, Champ. You'll fight.
Sandman: I can't fight now.
Trainer: Sure you can. You'll fight. You'll knock him out, Champ. You're gonna win it. (leading him away)
Sandman: But I can't fight.
Back in the livingroom.
Stephanie: Why was that man crying?
Jesse: Well, the man was crying because...because your dad made him so happy.
Stephanie: I don't think so.
Danny: We'll be back after this word from anybody but me.
Stephanie: Now what happens?
Jesse: Well, two guys beat each other up for about 36 minutes. Then, they get $6 million dollars.
Stephanie: $6 million dollars? Forget about being a ballerina.
Joey: Uh, maybe you girls shouldn't be watching all this violence.
D.J: Joey's right, Steph. Let's go watch reruns of The A-team.
The girls leave.
Michelle starts coughing again.
Jesse: Hear that? She coughed again. This cough is getting serious. I'll think of something.
Joey grabs the phone.
Jesse: What are you doing?
Joey: Calling the baby's doctor.
Jesse: Good. I knew I'd think of something. Here. (puts Michelle in the playpen).
Joey: Hello, Dr. Landress? You're home? You answer your own phone? Are you any good? (pauses) Yeah, I'm calling about Michelle Tanner. She's coughing. Hold on, Doc. (to Jesse) He wants to know what kind of cough.
Jesse: What kind of...(takes the phone) It's a little baby's cough! Like, you know... (does a tiny baby cough) Like that.
Joey: (takes phone) Doc, I do impressions for a living. It was more like... (does a different kind of baby cough)
Jesse: Give me the phone. (into the phone) I'm sorry. We're new parents. All right, come here. Listen to Michelle cough. (walks over to Michelle's playpen) There you go. Cough, Michelle. (holds the phone up to her, though she is quiet) Come on, cough. Come on. (to Joey) It's just like when you take your car to a mechanic. It never makes that same noise. (takes phone back) All right. Her nose? Yeah, it's running like a fountain. What's coming out of it? Diet cola. Fever? I don't know. Of course I know how to take her temperatore. You simply stick the thermometer under her ton...I put it where? (hands the phone to Joey) Joey, it's for you.
Next scene is in the bathroom. Jesse and Joey are looking at thermometer with a clown at the end.
Jesse: Twist Harold up. Twist Harold down to the right. Normal. No temperature. (to Michelle at the changing table) Hi five, Michelle. Hi five, high five, high five (she does it) All right.
Joey: Okay. Well, doctor said no fever means it's a cold...
Jesse: ...and we should give her the medicine he prescribed for the last cold.
Joey: (looks in the bathroom cabinet) Okay, we've got strawberry mousse, apricot conditioner, honey nut rinse. Can you believe these girls put all this dumb junk in their hair?
Jesse: (with an embarassed face) It's mine. (to Michelle) What are you looking at?
Joey: All right. Here it is. (reads the label) 'Michelle Tanner. Half a teaspoon four times a day'.
Jesse: All right. Give me that.
Joey: Remember that. Okay.
D.J and Stephanie walks in.
D.J: The fight's over. They said Dad will be back on after these important messages.
Jesse: Okay. (pours medicine into a teaspoon)
Stephanie: What are you doing to Michelle?
Jesse: We're giving your sister some medicine.
Stephanie: That's not the way Daddy does it.
Jesse: Stephanie... (to Michelle) All right, here you go, Michelle. (she hits the spoot, medicine goes flying onto Joey's face) Joey, duck!
Next we are in the kitchen.
We see a hand with a teaspoon of medicine trying to come up under the high chair top with Michelle in it, but she keeps backing away.
Joey: Well, so much for cough syrup and puréed chicken.
Jesse: I told you it wouldn't work. You never serve red cough syrup with poultry.
D.J: By the way, if I'm ever sick, dial 911.
Stephanie: Daddy's on!
Jesse and Joey bring Michelle and the high chair over to the counter.
Jesse: Okay. Come on.
On the TV.
Danny: Well, fans, you saw it: 1:17 into the second round, Reggie 'The Sandman' Martin was KO'd. He may have been a little off tonight. That happens. But I don't think the blame should be laid at anybody's feet. I mean anybody. Am I being clear? A blameless defeat.
A bunch of reporters suddenly storms the locker room.
Reporter: Hey, Tanner. How does it feel to have personally dealt a crushing blow to a man's career?
Danny: Are you talking about the Sandman's or my own?
Reporter: Hey, tell me, do you have some sort of personal grudge against the Sandman?
Danny: Not at all. The Sandman and I have always had a very warm and cordial relationship.
Sandman: I want him! I want him! I want Danny tanner! I want him! I want him!
Danny: Can't you just feel the love?
In the locker room, everyone o-o-o-h's, as well at the Tanner home.
Danny: (in the Sandman's dressingroom) Walk with me as I apologize to the Sandman. Sandman, I am really very, very sorry.
Sandman: (almost hits Danny, but decides not to) It's okay. It's not your fault. At least somebody had the guts to tell me about my wife. Say, you wouldn't happen to know why she left me, would you?
Danny: Well, maybe not seeing your wife for three or four months resulted in a teensy loss of intimacy.
Trainer: It's okay, Champ. We don't need her.
Sandman: (to trainer) It's this 'we' stuff. It's this 'we' stuff that got me in trouble. Now, you talked me out of retirement because you needed the money. Now, you knew about my wife all the time, didn't you?
Trainer: I kind of got an inkling when I saw the cover story of Sports Illustrated.
Sandman: Look, Marcie. Marcie, honey, I'm gonna give up boxing for good, baby. I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna beg for forgiveness, and win you back, because I love you, baby (blows several kisses to her). (to Lou) Lou, you're fired. (He walks off)
Trainer: Tanner, this whole thing is your fault (punches Danny, but hurts his own hand on the tie tack).
Danny: (opening his suit coat) Thanks, Stephanie.
Back in the kitchen.
Stephanie: You're welcome, Daddy. Didn't Daddy do great?
Jesse: Oh, he was quite good this evening.
Joey: He was so good. He really was.
Joey: Yeah, girls, nobody can take a punch like your father.
Stephanie: Can we stay up till Daddy gets home?
Jesse: No. Go to sleep. Come on. Get some rest. Tomorrow we may have to move to a civilization without television. Go.
D.J and Stephanie: Goodnight!
Jesse: Good night.
The girls leave.
Jesse: All right Joey, you try to give her her medicine. I give up.
Joey: (takes the spoon) Okay, Michelle. Here it comes. (makes airplane noises) Mmmm, vrmmm. (Michelle closes her mouth to avoid the cough syrup) Oh, come on. It tastes really good. Watch this. (makes the same airplane noises, but pushes the spoon into a suprised Jesse's mouth instead) Smile, the baby's watching you.
Jesse smiles against his will, while he gives Joey a deadly look.
Jesse: Mmm.
Joey: And she's waiting for her Uncle Jesse to swallow.
Jesse: (swallows) Mmm. This stuff is terrible. (fakes a smile)
Joey: But you're not coughing, are you?
Jesse: All right, I've had enough of this nonsense. That's it, Michelle. Enough fooling around. This is the last teaspoon of medicine. You're gonna drink it. You're gonna feel better. And you're gonna do it right now. Come on. Come on. (Michelle starts to take it) Right now. Come on. (Michelle takes and swallows it.) See? Told you. All I had to do was ask nice.
Jesse & Joey: (they slap each other high fives) Yes.
In the livingroom, Danny comes home dejected, flops on sofa.
Joey enters.
Joey: Danny.
Danny: Joey, please. Don't bother lying to me. I stunk.
Joey: I just want you to know that Michelle is gonna be fine.
Danny: (getting up quickly) What?
Joey: Well, she was sick, but she's fine now.
Danny: The baby is sick. Why didn't you say something?
Up in Michelle's room, Jesse is sitting in with the baby in the rocker with an air purifyer on.
Jesse: Sing along, Michelle.
He is singing to her as she's trying to repeat.
Danny and Joey enters.
Danny: Michelle, Michelle. Daddy's here. (Picks her up and kisses her) Jesse, what's wrong with her?
Jesse: Nothing. She just had a little cold.
Danny: How do you know it's a little cold?
Jesse: She had a cough and a runny nose, but no fever.
Danny: She should have fluids.
Jesse & Joey: (looks at each other) Done.
Danny: We should call the doctor.
Jesse & Joey: Done.
Danny: Really? Has she had her cough medicine?
Jesse & Joey: Done.
Danny: Woah! What about changing her diaper?
Jesse & Joey: Good night.
Jesse and Joey leaves.
In the kitchen.
The guys are having hot chocolate at the kitchen table.
Danny: Well, the baby's asleep. Her cold sounds much better. You guys were really great tonight.
Jesse: Yep, In finally learned how to take care of the little kid.
Joey: I'll drink to that.
Jesse: All right.
The guys cheer their mugs.
Danny: I can't thank you guys enough.
Jesse: No problem. We really love that little... (sneezes) germ-spreading phlegm faucet.
Danny: You know, when I came home tonight, I was so down. But, then I heard Michelle was sick. And it put everything back into perspective. I realized what's really important is my family and my friends.
Joey: So you forgot all about the... nightmare of an interview.
Danny: Right up until this very moment when you were kind enough... to just bring it up again. I was horrible.
Jesse: Come on. 'Horrible's' a pretty harsh word. You were...well, you were horrible.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. He was horrible.
Jesse and Joey cheer their mugs again.
Danny: Isn't this where you guys are supposed to jump in with a little pep talk?
Joey: I don't know if I got one in me, Danny. (to Jesse) You?
Jesse: What? A sick baby and a pep talk. What am I, a saint?
Danny: Come on, I'll get you started. How about, 'Every cloud has a cilver lining,' or, 'The sun will come out tomorrow.'
Joey: I'm feeling it. Pep is welling up. It's in my stomach. It's working its way north. It's in my throat, and pep! (gets up and goes over to Danny) (says in a husky voice) Danny, nobody's career goes straight up. You had one rough night. There's always bumps along the way.
Danny: This is good. Don't stop.
Joey: Then don't interrupt. (continues in a husky voice) The key, Danny, is to learn from all those little bumps, so that you'll be better prepared for next time. (regular voice) Because you will have other chances.
Danny: When? I need a date and a t time.
Joey: Soon. Because you're good at what you do. And you know why? Because you care about more than just scores and stats. You care about people. (to Jesse) Right, Jess?
Jesse: Yeah, why not?
Joey: And in your own unique way, you helped the Sandman. People trust you. They know you're a good guy. (to Jesse) Right, Jess?
Jesse: Yeah, why not?
Danny: Thanks, guys.
Jesse: My favorite part was when the manager punched him... (makes sound like someone getting punched) Right in the stomach.
Joey: I loved it when he brought tears to the Sandman's eyes.
Jesse: That was nice. But the reporters outside drilling him... He had sweat going down his face. That killed me. That was funny.
Danny: That was good. You know what I loved? When I claimed there was no one to blame. I loved how bad that was.
The scene ends with them laughing and joking around.
*** The End ***
